First Comes Love


First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes…. 

A blog for women of all walks of life who are going through the hard and lonely road of infertility such as…..myself. You are loved, you are cherished and most importantly, you are not alone. It is also for the men who are on the same, deeply emotional road. After all, it takes two to make one. Your ambitions of fatherhood and legacy are also suffering. A man’s first thought is typically to be supportive, to be the strong man, the shoulder to cry on…but who tends to you? My hope is that after reading this, you find comfort in the One who truly understands you - God.

These are some of the opening lines of my new book, “Silent Cries”. I am still writing, and in it I share a lot of our personal struggles as we navigate through this journey of infertility. This has been something that my husband Josh and I have been battling with for years. It’s been so difficult for me, especially to come out publicly. Unless you are in this situation, you simply do not understand and cannot relate. The strength it takes to become vulnerable is huge and it takes immense courage to open up about something so private. 

When you fall in love, you get married and then the ideal thing is to start a family; well, those were our plans too. Everyone who knows us, knows how much we love children. And to be deprived of having our own was a very difficult pill to swallow. Today marks 101 weeks since we found out the dreaded news of our infertility. I remember as if it was yesterday, I cried like a baby and my husband just held on to me as tears raced through his cheeks; we were in disbelief. After a while, we wiped our tears away and decided to tackle it head on. We prayed, believed and trusted God for a miracle. We are still praying, believing and trusting God for our miracle. We’ve seen several infertility specialists, have done countless exams and procedures, treatments and surgeries, nationally and internationally and the news continues to be the same, “unexplained infertility”. The road has been a dark and painful one. And above all, a very lonely one. 

I’ve struggled with coming out and being open about it because society tends to label people. In this case, “an infertile woman” who cannot bear a child. That’s awful, who wants to be known for that? It’s taken quite some time for me to come to grips with my situation and speak life into myself and say: You are not defined by your diagnosis. You are not “incomplete” if you do not have children. You are not less of a woman for not having a child. Jesus Christ completes you. I have had to repeat that over and over to myself until finally believing it. And today, I want to tell you that He completes you too! I don’t know what situation you may find yourself in: Maybe its similar to mine, Jesus completes you even if you feel your family isn't complete. You may be in a season of singlehood; a marriage doesn’t complete you, Jesus does. Perhaps you are in a dead-end job; a career doesn’t define you, Jesus does. You see, life will always throw challenges our way that will test our “ability” to produce. And if you listen to the stigma that the world shouts out, you will never be able to hear the sweet whisper of the Holy Spirit that says: You are more than enough! There is so much freedom when you confront your reality with the Word of God. “I am more than enough because God says so”. I don’t have to walk in shame, I am a child of God. That is why I felt compelled to finally share my story because I needed to be liberated from the lies of the enemy as well. God knows the desires of my heart and my faith is still anchored in Jesus and in His promises over my life. My faith will not waver and as I continue to wait for my miracle, I want to inspire women to speak up. You don’t have to be live in secrecy or have to be silent. You don’t have to feel shame or be embarrassed anymore because you are more than enough and have been made whole in Christ. 

Infertility is lonely but you don’t have to go through it alone. God will use your circumstances to inspire and bring hope to so many people who do not have any. He wants to use you and your story for His glory! I no longer have to compare my life to someone else’s because God has designed a specific path for me and my family. Although I don’t know what the end result will look like, I know it will be beautiful and just perfect for us. Today I encourage you to not lose sight of the path God has chosen for you. It's not going to look like everyone else’s and you need to be okay with that. He’s not giving you sloppy seconds but instead preparing the very best for you. Continue to pray and trust Him like never before. Believe in your miracle but seek help as well. He has placed doctors and specialists that can assist you; knowledge is power. Most importantly, He has placed special people in your life to help carry the load when it becomes unbearable. I want to thank my husband for being patient and supportive, my parents for always speaking life into me, my sister Nancy for being present. And Kenia and Elissia who are heaven-sent and have been walking this journey with me from the very beginning. Thank you for pushing me and helping me see that God has a greater plan. It doesn’t matter how impossible things may look for you my dear friend, there is a miracle with your name written on it. Trust Him with your life, trust Him with your future, trust Him with your story. Turn the page and allow Him to continue to write because there is more!

Thank you for taking the time to read our story. Keep us in prayer as we continue to walk through this journey. Our hearts are filled with gratitude that God has chosen us for such a test because we know that He will surprise us and do above and beyond than what we could ever think or imagine. Our hands are wide open to receive with great expectancy our long-awaited miracle. 

If you or someone you know is going through this difficult road of infertility, you don't have to be silent. They don't have to be silent. Speak up. Your voice will be heard. Our voices will be heard.

Be Encouraged, Be Blessed!